An advice column where Chicago can ask questions on how to navigate life transitions, relationships, family, finance and more.
When it comes to love, I am very analytical. I’ll walk in a nightgown with my ghosts of Christmas past, present and future to understand why something didn’t work out.
No need to sugarcoat it (maybe a little). Just give it to me straight. That’s me. But I also love to be super-stupid about love, y’all. I love hanging on to hope that tells me, against every obstacle my insecurities present me with, love will prevail.
Movies do that for me. More specifically, romantic comedies.
Like, imagine you never told a guy you liked him because you thought, “Why would a guy as perfect as him ever like me?” And now it’s too late because he’s engaged to your confident and fearless best friend who made a move on him the first chance she got.
I’m talking about “Something Borrowed,” a 2011 film starring Kate Hudson, Ginnifer Goodwin and Chicago’s own Colin Egglesfield. When I found out Egglesfield lives here, I took a chance and asked if we could talk about the movie and, of course, get his advice on life and putting yourself out there.
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I love this movie because it’s a complicated talker. It starts with Rachel (played by Goodwin) arriving at her surprise 30th birthday party arranged by her best friend Darcy (Hudson). Within minutes, we see Rachel casually confessing her feelings to her best friend’s fiancé, Dex (Egglesfield), and they end up sleeping together at the end of the night.
For the next two hours, we are essentially rooting for the nice people having the affair. Here’s Egglesfield’s take on why:
“On the outside, we can see why everyone is attracted to Darcy. She’s so out there, has a lot of energy and a big personality. But we fall in love with Rachel because we see her struggle, her kindness and how much she cares. She’s just very humble about the way she lives her life.
“We see how it hurts her to lose the man she loves. But she’s willing to do that because she cares so much about her best friend. That’s why we fall in love with Rachel. We don’t fall in love with her because she’s the most beautiful, the coolest or the smartest.”
I thought he might have been a little biased in siding with Rachel since his character was involved in the affair. (Just kidding.)
But, looking at Rachel and Darcy, he did make a good point about how some of us tend to hide part of what makes us more authentic and approachable, which prevents the world from seeing what makes us great. Sometimes, we cancel ourselves out before we give people a chance to love us. But genuine connections start when you let people see the real you.
To keep the good vibes going, here are other universal topics I wanted Egglesfield’s take on.
How to find fulfillment with our passions?
Keep an open mind, and don’t let society or preconceived notions about life stop you from going out and trying something new. “That’s where a lot of young kids, and everyone in general, feels anxiety trying to figure out how they fit into a superficial world that intuitively we know is not real,” Egglesfield said.
Find out what it is that you love, no matter what others think. Then, he says, you’ll have the energy and resiliency built in because you’re not going to care so much about what others think.
What do successful people have in common?
Working with A-list actors, Egglesfield noticed they “take what they do seriously, work very hard and are very committed, but they don’t take it TOO seriously.” They aren’t afraid to laugh at themselves and aren’t putting too much pressure on themselves to be perfect.
How to find courage and talk to someone you’re interested in?
It depends on the moment or where you’re at. But the best piece of advice Egglesfield has is to ask yourself what you would find attractive if someone came up and introduced themselves to you. Have something of interest to ask them that makes them not think you’re trying to talk to them just for the way they look.
Learn more from Colin Egglesfield through his “Beyond Impact: Communication Master Class.” Contact firstname.lastname@example.org for more information.
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